THE DEFINITIVE RANKING OF SAN FERNANDO VALLEY MOVIES
Did you know there are 24 movies based in the San Fernando Valley? Me neither, until I started making this list. Several weeks later, the dirty work has been done for you. Here are cocktail party conversation-starters for the rest of your life.
In between the cracks of suburban tract homes, strip malls, and asphalt roads are some of our most troubled storylines. As you’ll see, the best movies wield the San Fernando Valley’s symbolization. This is as opposed to urban set-pieces, where the abnormal can feel normal.
Here in the Valley, concrete normalcy becomes a character of its own.
I've become attuned to the ways this city channels our lives into repetitive, safe motions. Ultimately, it's a success in city planning. But for the soul, you're best off taking a few nights to watch the top 3 movies.
You’ll appreciate this living, organic city we call the San Fernando Valley just a little bit more.
Because everything needs a structure, or I’ll get roasted in my emails!
The movies on this list make direct reference to the Valley. It is central to the storyline. This excludes the thousands of movies that were simply shot here.
40% - Technical Storytelling and Shot Planning. I’m a stickler for well-made movies. Like selling a home, it’s not about how much you like the real estate agent. Did they do a good job?
30% - Do not underestimate the Valley’s power in accentuating stories. As you’ll see in the list, its ruthless normalcy plays second fiddle to magnanimous storylines. It’s social commentary about the most important people in cinema: the everyday American.
20% - Box Office Relevance - National influence is important to how a movie’s history will be written. Bad movies can still touch our emotions, technical or not.
10% - SFV location usage, because of that “a-ha” moment when you recognize a spot.
24. Plan 9 from Outer Space
My mother told me not to judge a book by its cover. This was a movie, so I still judged it - and I was right. I almost gave up on writing this list after the credits rolled. It hails from an era of pulpy characterization and bad set-pieces, so I can’t get too frustrated. Someone had a vision, it just wasn’t executed.
23. Encino Man
This movie is bad. It brings down Encino property values. Two high school castouts find a frozen caveman and and thaw him out. It has potential for intellectual commentary - a dumbfounded caveman is baffled by the complexity of our suburban lives.
Sadly, they rely on witless sophomoric humor. It’s so bad, there’s a cult following. Next time a seller extolls the beauty of Encino, reference this movie. The only reason it’s not last is because it includes more Valley shots.
22. The Lonely Lady
I feel bad ranking this movie so low. Its message is relevant - the female protagonist seduces her way to the top of the Hollywood food chain. Gender politics aside - the execution is poor. It’s aimless cynicism and empty sex scenes, predicated on the audience’s assumption that life isn’t fair.
Life isn’t that fair, but that’s not what we go to the movies for. There’s a scene with a garden hose that is just unnecessary shock value.
21. The Karate Kid Part III
The only thing better than celebrating good movies is bashing bad movies. The steep drop in quality from the first one is evident in how they rehash the exact same themes. That’s what happens in all trilogies, and it’s no different here.
The surprising amount of violence was likely deliberate - the adorers of the first movie had grown up. Unfortunately, I’d rather watch Die Hard or even a Transformers movie if I want to see some butts kicked. It’s not thrilling when the Karate Kid is a young adult who needs a job. I don’t want to see him fight - I want him to hurry up on the double cheeseburger I ordered. (Alright, that was mean. But I was angry for wasting two hours of my life.)
20. Dancing at the Blue Iguana
Like The Lonely Lady, this one means well. The most effective movies lend a voice to those that need one. It follows the lives of several strip club dancers and the effects of the industry.
Unfortunately, Dancing at the Blue Iguana underutilizes the opportunity. Life is tough in the Valley because of the disproportionate amount of people trying to make it in the show business. It’s an integral theme to almost any movie about the city, but it just wasn’t done right.
19. The Karate Kid Part II
Remember this movie? I almost wanted to rank this lower than Part III just because it actually tried. Nonetheless, it was a commercial success. It hit a lot of the right notes of a coming-of-age story.
Therein lies the problem, though. We love movies that bring us somewhere new. This wasn’t a bad movie, it was just boring. Also, I deduct points because most of it was shot in Japan, not the Valley (though I love Japan!).
18. The Sandlot II
The magic of the original was squeezed out of this direct-to-DVD sequel. Fast-forward ten years, the protagonists are grown up. I get it - it's a sequel. It was still so boring. The first movie captured beautiful, suburban childhood. Their problems, while still important, can’t be portrayed from a childhood standpoint. You have to really like the original characters for this to succeed. In this case, the transition wasn’t robust.
17. EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE
After a string of successful hits, Clint Eastwood tried his hand at this aimless action-comedy. I can’t believe I sat through this whole thing. His best friend's an orangutan. Apparently, it turned out to be one of the most commercially successful movies of all time. This goes to show his star power.
The movie transitions to Colorado, so there’s even less reason to watch this for Valley scenes. I tried laughing at Eastwood, but he's just too scary.
16. San Fernando Valley
Shot in 1944, this is the oldest movie on the list. I’ll try to hold it to a different standard, but it’s still bland. A old man and his two granddaughters live on a ranch and go through typical rancher problems. There’s a bad guy, some love interests, and unrelatable themes.
I really skimmed this one, in part because I wanted to watch movies about our San Fernando Valley. Of all the movies that could actually be named after our city, I was disappointed we didn’t get a more contemporary portrayal.